better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
