checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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