Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
