***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
