I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
