it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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