I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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