Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
