I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
