Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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