Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
