so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Your dad touched me again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
