You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
