Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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