I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
