remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
