I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
