It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We smell like vodka and hangover
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