big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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