Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
