He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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