next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
