Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
