Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
