got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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