forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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