That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
