I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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