we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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