Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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