No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
