oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
