So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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