none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
