Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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