Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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