I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
