just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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