so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
