I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
