Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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