sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
