I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
