Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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