I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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