I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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