This is not my ceiling
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
