loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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