We won't sleep together?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you had me at cake vodka
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
