I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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